fact.

I have not been this frightened in quite some time. I have vowed, shall I not break that everlasting oath unto you, unto those, and unto myself. I cannot now continue to allow this upon myself. To all I am but a colored slave, entitled to what has not yet been given to me. I am not entitled, never to be. I am not but a living creature with cravings as you all; justified to nothing. There are two pictures in my head. Sardonically one is good and one is bad, compacting image of a grown body into an immature mind. There is shelter, although simple, composed of earthly materials such as rocks, stones, dandelions. I blow the seeds of the dandelion; they fly into the second picture and get eaten by habit. Habit is a rekindling creature that comes out every time I allow it to. Habit always dies and I am the only one able to rekindle its burning hunger. Habit mocks me until I allow it to return. I cannot continue this pattern because it erodes my skin and feels good which is good but not right. There is Substance in my mind. It must exit. But exit is invisible to me and to Substance; which crawls around in my head. It tweaks me and tickles my brain until I can do nothing but hurl in a reckless ball of body upon the ground in a relentless effort to put Substance to sleep. Substance is inexorable and unusually strong in physical and mental strength, although I am stronger because I am existence. Substance has no substance, although sometimes it is substance. I wish to remove this from my head, not memory, forever although possibility would be an underlying factor. I have approximately 26 trillion red blood cells in the human body that I am living in. How much of me could you take without taking me? How much of me could you take without taking you? Surely there are cells intertwined with yours inside of the body that I take temporary dwelling inside of. Surely there are beginnings of X-chromosomes connecting with ends of Y-chromosomes. Surely this does not make me you, only mingles interminably. How could this be if this is not meant to be?

Things (are becoming painfully obvious)