(more)

I love you more (oh beautiful creation), more than any one on this earth does. And more than any one who breathes through out their salty lungs. Or who doesn't. I love you more (oh beautiful creation) than anything in the sky, flame, or ocean. For my dear, it surely flies higher than the eagles, burns brighter than the ashes, and longs deeper than the darkest waters. I love you louder than the thunder and sharper than the sharks tooth. I welcome you. Such saddness, my dear, that I love you more. Than you love me.

My yellow bird sings.

This was it.

I can see a lot of life in you. I can see a lot of bright in you.

It is where

laughing and smiling and exist

where sparkling water can be seen

for miles

where you and i talk for hours

it is where we explored

and found the forbidden

we dove into the water as free fish

and came up with hooks

never to be removed

it was where

it started

...When the world looks back. When the face looks after that..

Poison Oak- Bright Eyes

"When the telephone was a tin can on a string. And i fell

asleep with you still talking to me.

You said you weren't afraid to die.

I don't think I ever loved you more

than when you turned away

and when you slammed the door

You stole the car

and drove towards Mexico. I was young

and I still believed in war.

And I'm glad you got away, but I'm still stuck out

here

The sound of loneliness makes me happier

I never thought this life was possible.

You're the yellow bird that I've been waiting for."

Poison Oak- Bright Eyes

--

you are the atom of my creation

this is the atom of all creation

you are the single atom that composes

all that i think of

i do not need you

how are your atoms inside of my skin

and flesh

please leave them there

wish you were here.

I can't quite make sense

of why the winter wind sings song of us

or why the darkest nights breathe

our air

can not the seasons tell

that summer has been long gone?

in quiet affliction you search for something

to occupy your mind

besides the tune of me

i burrow in blankets

sigh, roll over, sit up. because

in this moment i have become complacent

in knowing that grief is honest

your beauty is violence

and your roar is too loud

perhaps we have become but nothing

was it compromise

or was it fate

my heart is like a little house burning

with no love to put the fire out

perhaps we have become

but nothing

but certainly we were

once everything

lets all throw out time and live without it.

i suppose we both knew nothing lasts forever

this was too good to be true

it was getting colder outside

and the path we walked

when the breeze was warm

was now covered in snow

our days weren't infinite

and the clock didn't stop

no matter how much we asked

it to. the seconds kept ticking.

and the little moments of simple contentment would fade

we knew it just as we knew about death

we knew it to be there

always

but we didn't think it would happen so soon

we thought we'd be smarter

well-prepared

more mature

less naive

but time has a mind

it chose to happen

sooner than we thought

i wasn't ready for us to end

but time and you were against me

we had eternity planned

i had eternity planned

it turns out eternity is six months and one day

When I was 10.

They told us

back in grade 3

"Shoot for the moon, and if you miss,

you'll land among the stars"

They didn't tell us

Stars burn

Fast and bright

the moon remains

a steadfast sight

of what they aren't

of what they dream

that they seem

aim high

they said

just try

they said

but what about loss

it's something they can't teach you in grade 3

it's something that you must learn

eventually,

the moon is mocking me

promises

I don't know where I stand with you, but I'll stand anywhere you want me to.

I don't know what you need, but I'll be what you have. I don't know much about you anymore, but I know who you are. And this shall be interminably.

I don't know where you are going, but I know I am willing to come.

I thought I had an honest grip on things, but I opened the box full of letters under my bed and smelled your smell. Than I fell down hard.

Please do not say you love me before you turn your back and run further away.

Please do not mutter full and empty words underneath your breath as though I mean anything.

Please do not yell them either.

Do not bury yourself deeper in the mud of concrete supposition that I am fighting to free you from.

Perhaps you think I could forget the regretful apologies I have received, but those promises were promised so very long ago.

No, I have not forgotten the good that was done. But as much as I try to forget, I still remember the things that you have undoubtedly kept forgetting.

Infatuation eats me to rust but I search for healing. I suppose I believe you treasure me deep inside. I suppose I am not lying to myself when I say that you care.

But I also wonder if I am being completely honest.

To love somebody is a lot different when you are their nobody.

I don't know where I stand with you, but I'll stand wherever you want me to.

I have a bleeding heart. and it loves you.

Here I am. Once Again.

Here I am, Once Again?

I know nothing stays the same...but if you're willing to play the game, it's coming around again. So I don't mind if I fall apart. There's more room in a broken heart. And I believe in love, but what else could I possibly do, I'm so in love with you.

You must not know my name.The purpose of this blog is to document. "I am not a writer. I am not a poet. I am not profound. My words have no substantive value. But I am aware." I have lessons that have been learned and days that have been lived. I am not old. I am not young. I am not naive. I am not wise and I am not unsure. I know what I desire. I know what I desire is not within reach. I know this is alright.

I am not afraid to die. I have lived my life thus far and am not scared of those who can bring merely my flesh to death. Although I respect living, it is this that becomes more difficult than dying. Who says they will die for me? I laugh at them. In mind not body. When somebody lives for me than she shall truly be willing to die for me. Who would I die for? You might find out. But I truly would not die for you unless I am living for you. This seems only right in this mind of mine. And this is the assumptions that I have accumulated over my lifetime.

I have learned many things. I have seen hope, trust, and death. I have been lost. I have been alone all the while being with. I have made tree forts and cookies. I have had shopping cart races and hospital visits. I've worn friendship bracelet's and than I've misplaced them. I've danced all night and snuck out late. I've drank my coffee, my tea, and my beer. I've shared my newest toys, watched the stars, and even made a friend. I've fallen off the trampoline and I've driven just to drive. I've basically seen the world through my eyes that guide me. I've learned a lot, but still can't quite see, why nothing ever happens that makes sense to me. Soon I will learn this.